These are the stories of the husband - Wholikesacleanhouse. His five-year mission: to clean the house; to organize and throw away garbage and old 'never going to be worn again' clothes; to be able to see the floors again and to clean mold and mildew; to boldly clean what no women have cleaned before!
Okay, for those of you who aren't Star Trek fans - that was a take off on the opening of Star Trek...the one with William Shatner.
It was difficult to decide how to open this blog - it was either this or the old Sesame Street song..."One of These Things in Not Like The Other" I was going to change it to "ALL OF THESE SHOES ARE EXACTLY LIKE THE OTHERS!!!" but I opted against this approach...
As most of you know - I'm not a neat freak but I do like things neat and organized. It drives me crazy when stuff is just stuffed in drawers, closets, and rooms (reference the 'Where is "IT" ' blog if you don't understand). It especially drives me crazy when I'm looking for something but I can't find 'it' because someone has shoved 'it' into places they have NO BUSINESS SHOVING 'IT' INTO!!
Also - as everyone knows - I am very concerned about Global Warming! Global Warning is the biggest threat the human race is facing right now and if we don't do something about it - we are DOOMED!
If we don't stop driving our cars, if we don't stop eating beef, if we don't stop using incandescent light bulbs, if we don't take a shower instead of a bath, if we don't use a clothesline instead of a dryer, if we don't stop using plastic bags, if we don't stop using disposable diapers, if we don't stop farting - GLOBAL WARMING WILL CONTINUE TO HEAT THE EARTH AND WE WILL ALL DIE!!!
But do we stop - do we stop using cars, do we stop eating beef, do we change our light bulbs, do we stop farting - NO! We are selfish! SO SELFISH! And because we are all so selfish - GLOBAL WARMING IS GETTING WORSE!
It's gotten so bad 2 or 3 inches of snow fell here in Georgia on Friday. What will it take for us to wake up??? When we will learn that if we don't do what our Liberal friends tell us to do - it will continue to get worse. I'm afraid if we don't make the changes they tell us we need to make the globe will continue to warm and, and, and I'LL HAVE TO BUY A SNOW BLOWER...I for one have made a conscious effort to stop farting...it's been 4 days and counting since I've ripped one off...but then again I don't know how I'm doing at night when I'm sleeping...but Jewel has been sleeping at the bottom of the bed and so that's a good sign...
Well, because of Global Warming and the 2 or 3 inches of snow outside I had to find my snow boots so I could shovel my walkway and driveway.
So that brings me to my current problem - WHERE ARE MY SNOW BOOTS??? I looked everywhere but I can't find them - everywhere - EXCEPT that is - for the GREAT ABYSS - aka Sheri's closet!
It was 10:00am this morning when I ran out of places to look - except for the GREAT ABYSS. I didn't want to look there - I really didn't. I didn't know what would happen to me. I didn't know what I would find. I didn't know if I would make it out alive. I just didn't know. But I didn't have a choice - it was the last place to look.
I have organized every other room in the house and so I was 99.99% confident the only place it could be was Sheri's closet. In the past when the closet was open I thought I saw shoes...and so that gave me even more confidence my boots might be in there...
Again, I started at 10:00...I put on some safety gear and in I went. I told the kids, "If I'm not out in 1 hour call the police..."
Her closet is filled, stuffed, packed, shoved, crammed full of...of...of...everything you can name. Yes, there are clothes but there is SO MUCH MORE! There are...there are...oh nevermind - there is just too much stuff to mention! Wait, other than the clothes and all this other stuff I don't want to mention...THERE ARE SHOES!!! OH MY GOSH!!!! THERE ARE SHOES PILED ON TOP OF SHOES!!! I THINK THE SHOES MUST BE MATING IN HER CLOSET BECAUSE THERE ARE A MILLION OF THEM AND THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!!!! There are SOOOO many shoes I had to pile them up outside the closet in order to try and find my boots. Then I decided to try to organize them and so I lined them up. I thought I would put the sneakers, high heels, open toed shoes, open heeled shoes, flip flops, slip ons, slingbacks, pumps, sandals, etc, etc, etc, (and I do mean ETC, ETC, ETC!) in order and I'd neatly put them back in the closet...
By the time I finished looking for my boots (which I didn't find) I realized I could never put these shoes neatly back into the closet...there were just too many of them!
Keep in mind, this is a walk in closet...BUT...it's not huge...it's a regular size walk in closet...in a minute you'll understand why I mention this...
The closet is in the master bathroom...below is the line of shoes coming out of the bathroom(notice the similarity of the sneakers)...
From the bathroom the single files of shoes ran through the bedroom...
The line of shoes went from the bedroom...down the steps...
Notice how different these shoes look - NOT!!! They all look the same!!!! I've said this before and I've been told I'm wrong by women...but I'm not wrong...GUYS DON'T CARE ABOUT SHOES...WE DON'T LOOK AT YOUR FEET...SORRY...BUT IT'S TRUE!!!!!
Here they go down the steps...
Here they are lined up in the loft...more sneakers that look the same...I have a question for all the women out there...DON'T WOMEN HAVE TWO FEET JUST LIKE MEN OR DO THEY HAVE LIKE 50 FEET WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT????
Here they are making a turn through the office...
Okay...I'm having flashbacks to 26 tubes of toothpaste and 17 blow dryers...yes, look below...yes, they are all flip flops... Question: How many different styles do flip flops come in? Answer: ONE!!!!!! Next question: How many flip flops do you see in the picture below? Answer: 10!!!!!!!!!! Yes - 10!!!!!
Oh wait...I'm sorry...these flip flops are different...look...one is light blue...one is dark blue...one is a little darker blue...another one is slightly lighter than the dark blue but slightly darker than the light blue...OH, wait...there are black flips flops...and there are really black flip flops...and there are a pair of not as black, but still kind of black flip flops...I stand corrected...NOT!!! THEY ARE ALL THE SAME!!!
In case you are wondering - I have no idea what I'm going to do with these shoes - I really don't. Although I do know they are not getting put back into the GREAT ABYSS! They will stay right were they are until I decide...
Blog Update:
I was watching my morning Political Shows today (February 14th) and a commercial came on which might solve my problem...I ordered 25 of them...but now I have to buy 7 new beds...
